Ohh the shaming…

I read something over the weekend that left me so confused…I didn’t know whether to hit a boxing bag, drink a glass of wine or laugh at the total RIDICULOUSNESS of the post.

Allow me to share the gem that was shared anonymously (of course) on the Sanctimommy Facebook page:


Let’s recap: “Ladies, even if you aren’t getting out of the car at drop off can you please try a little.  I look around as I’m walking my daughter to the front door and all we see is rat nest hair, no makeup, eyebags…”

Well, well, well…Perfect Penny. Perhaps you are talking about me.


This is my “uniform” at school drop-off, pickup and every practice in between.

I’ve got enough bags under my eyes to take an around-the-world trip and I’m pretty sure I have some crushed up Cheerios and Goldfish crackers weaved through my hair.

But I digress Perfect Penny…because you see, I owe you zero explanations or justifications about my “uniform.”

To the women who may have “second-guessed” their appearance after reading the original, vomit-inducing post…I have something to say to you.

If you want to curl your hair in the morning…go for it.

If you want to rock some dry-shampoo for a good 7 days and throw a baseball hat on…go ahead.

If you want to go all out with makeup…I’m talking contouring, highlighting and the whole nine…girl, get after it.

If you want to roll out of bed with last night’s facemask still stuck to your face…get it.

If you want to look like an ad out of Nordstrom’s complete with sleek riding boots…do it.

If you want to disguise the fact that you don’t feel like throwing a bra on with extra baggy sweats and Ugg boots that are at least 20 years old…go for it.

If anyone is going to judge you based on your appearance…then I’m here to tell you this: you don’t want them in your circle. That includes your significant other. Let me say that louder for the people in the back: THAT INCLUDES YOUR SIGNIFICANT OTHER! I think about how “beautiful” I looked this time last year…baggy sweats were my jam while I had 6 feet of wound vac tubing coming from underneath.  If my husband was the type of man who judged me on my appearance…well he would have been highly disappointed by the second date…and we never would have said those good ole “I do’s.”

And I can guarantee you another thing that Perfect Penny got wrong: your kids do not care if you have your hair and makeup done. They don’t. You know what they care about? Your time. Your love. Your compassion. Your kisses. Your hugs.

If my children are worried that other moms “look old” and they’re only proud of me because I “look pretty”…then I am failing at being a mom. Plain and simple.

Do I like looking nice? Of course I do.

But after spending 18 years in an industry where people judged me solely on my hair, makeup and waist-size…haters can take those “expectations” and shove them…somewhere 😉

Raise the bar when it comes to character…integrity…compassion…honesty…loyalty.

If your standards are solely based on appearance…then I feel sorry for you…and the little ones who look up to you.

Womanhood/Motherhood can be a struggle bus…

And I’m the proud driver of the Hot Mess Express.




6 thoughts on “Ohh the shaming…

  1. OMGOSH!!! This soooo good Amanda. I remember my son , years ago, who said “ mom you can’t wear your pajamas to take us to school( 14 miles away). Why??? What if you got pulled over for speeding???. Fine I will wear a coat over the pjs!


  2. I’ve done the exact same thing when my daughter was in school… Just ran a comb through my hair, pulled my pants up and tucked my Pajama shirt inside them and my coat & gloves on. Didn’t give a hoot what anyone thought!! Amanda, this was an awesome read!! Loved it & you pretty lady!!


  3. This is great! The world would be so much better if parents would teach their children to be better adults. I think Perfect Penny is on the wrong path. It reminds me of something a wise woman once told me…
    “…because mean kids grow up to be mean adults. True story.
    Bullying is always painful to others.

    …People are bullied because they don’t look like everyone else…

    People are bullied because they don’t dress like everyone else…

    People are bullied because they don’t act like everyone else…

    People are bullied because they don’t talk like everyone else…

    People are bullied because somebody wants to feel powerful and in control.

    But the moment we teach our children that other people’s words and opinions do not define them…the stronger and more resilient they will become.”
    Can I get an AMEN?


  4. Well said, bravo to you, Amanda. You rock motherhood and life in so many ways. You have your priorities in the right place and your friends and family are very lucky for that.


  5. Yup – IF her kid actually said that to her it’s because she’s repeating the garbage she hears her Mom say. A 7 year old will not have that thought unless it was put there first by her mother. What a gross woman, I would bet she’s also friendless and bitter.


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