There. It zipped.
Can I breathe? A little.
Can I sit? Uh perhaps.
Can I stand back up? With assistance.”
This was me fitting into my dress for Saturday night. We’re having a Blue Dress Gala. Black clothes are my jam…they camo my flaws…it’s easy to find something to wear to compliment you…but no, I had to go with royal blue.
I stared at myself for a hot minute wondering how many pairs of Spanx I will have to wear to smooth everything out. I was beginning to regret every tortilla chip…every tater tot I cleaned off my toddler’s plate…every drop of Pinot Grigio I drank. I was living in REGRET CITY…heck, I was just sworn in as Mayor.
I walked out of the bathroom and my oldest was standing there. “Wow Mom…you look so pretty in that!”
I was careful not to tell her that I felt like a whale that was beached…because I don’t want her to have body image issues and stuff, ya know?
“Thanks – a little out of my comfort zone.”
Then my 10-year-old who I swear is an old soul said this:
“I think it’s great you are wearing that. Just think – you wouldn’t have been able to wear any kind of dress last year.”
Be. Still. My. Heart.
Last year I couldn’t wear dresses.
Forget the fact that I was still insanely big after having Aria…but I couldn’t even wear something stretchy to pull over my head.
Well I could…but the six feet of tubing that was coming out of my incision into a chic little wound vac that I carried around made it a tad difficult. So I stuck to oversize sweaters and leggings. I tried to cover as much tubing as possible so I didn’t have to see the “Oh my God…why and where is that tube coming from” looks. That’s what happens when you get a nasty infection after a C-section…when you’re told you were only hours away from septic shock before the whole thing exploded inside of you. I’ll spare the rest of the cringe-worthy details.
Back to the blue gown fitting…I went back into the bathroom and I suddenly looked at myself completely differently.
No I am not where I want to be in my health journey just yet but guess what…I am going to celebrate who I am and where I am in life AT THIS MOMENT.
No, I don’t have my pre-baby body back…I don’t look as good as my friends do on Instagram…I don’t like getting tagged in unsolicited photos on social media.
But guess what? I. AM. HEALTHY.
At first look I thought – should I wear this?
But then I realized heck yes! I am going to celebrate the fact that I have been to hell with my health. But I CAME BACK. That’s why I look and smile at any obstacle I am faced with now.
So I am excited to slide (shove) myself into that dress…
My faithful sweats will still be waiting at home.
And tater tots.