“Stand here with me…sit next to me…I have to be able to see you…please hold my hand…no, I need you here…wait for me, I will go with you.”
These words. I said, whispered and shouted all of them over and over to my kids over the weekend.
It was Friday night.
There was a crowd of people.
I stood there…and scanned the crowd…over and over.
Would I see Jake somewhere?
Was there someone there who knows something?
I saw kids laughing…dancing…eating funnel cake.
I felt sick knowing that Jake should be there…but he wasn’t.
There are no answers to what happened…so as a mom…I feel uneasy and I ask the same question every day: Are my kids safe?
My son walked over to a fan to get some cool mist…he was only about 20 feet from me. When I turned back to look at him, he was gone. I went into complete panic mode. “Where did he go? Did someone grab him?”
He was standing behind me. I thought I was going crazy.
I hated the way I was feeling.
I hated that I was hovering.
I hated the fact that I was looking around and examining small details.
But until there are answers…do I have a choice? Does any parent have a choice?
I do it everywhere we go now.
I scan the room…I hold my kids’ hands a little tighter…they go everywhere with me.
But I would be lying if I didn’t say this out loud: somebody kidnapped and killed Lyric and Elizabeth. That “somebody” is still out there.
Where is Jake?