Uneasy

“Stand here with me…sit next to me…I have to be able to see you…please hold my hand…no, I need you here…wait for me, I will go with you.”

These words. I said, whispered and shouted all of them over and over to my kids over the weekend.

It was Friday night.

There was a crowd of people.

I stood there…and scanned the crowd…over and over.

Would I see Jake somewhere?

Was there someone there who knows something?

I saw kids laughing…dancing…eating funnel cake.

I felt sick knowing that Jake should be there…but he wasn’t.

There are no answers to what happened…so as a mom…I feel uneasy and I ask the same question every day: Are my kids safe?

My son walked over to a fan to get some cool mist…he was only about 20 feet from me. When I turned back to look at him, he was gone. I went into complete panic mode. “Where did he go? Did someone grab him?”

He was standing behind me. I thought I was going crazy.

I hated the way I was feeling.

I hated that I was hovering.

I hated the fact that I was looking around and examining small details.

But until there are answers…do I have a choice? Does any parent have a choice?

I do it everywhere we go now.

I scan the room…I hold my kids’ hands a little tighter…they go everywhere with me.

But I would be lying if I didn’t say this out loud: somebody kidnapped and killed Lyric and Elizabeth. That “somebody” is still out there.

Where is Jake?

 

3 thoughts on “Uneasy

  1. You are sooo right. It’s very sad that our world is so scary. Sure was different when I was little and I’m 69. I remember county fairs…if you saw someone you knew you went there even if it was half a block away. Momma and Daddy kept an eye on us but didn’t have to hover over us. Not that bad stuff didn’t happen but it sure wasn’t that common, either!

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  2. Thank God there is a woman around here that speaks the truth. And is unpologetic about it. Thank you Amanda!

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  3. I feel this way all the time my daughter is going to be 17 years old in July. She tells me all the time why do u stalk my Facebook mom? Why do u want me on Twitter this is why. I want to make sure she is safe I even have a app on my phone that tells me where she is

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