My story.

I had three, fairly easy deliveries.  So in my head, I thought baby #4 would be just as easy.

I was wrong.  As I have written before, the baby of the family wanted to make her entrance a little more memorable.  After hours of pushing, I met my precious Aria after a C-section.  Then came the infection that landed me back in the hospital when Aria was less than a week old.  After several rounds of antibiotics…I was back home with my family…and I was finally feeling like myself.

That was short-lived.

I had the chills a lot.  I thought it was because I was low on iron…or so that is what I had been told.  So every morning and night, I took a steaming-hot shower.  I needed to get those chills out of me.

At the 6-week mark, I still couldn’t bend over.  When I tried…I would nearly cry it hurt so badly.  I couldn’t understand it.  Everyone I talked to…everything I read…all said by 6-weeks out, they felt “normal again.”

Then came the stabbing sensations. Pain so intense, it would literally drop me to my knees.  It happened at a store when I was with all four of my kids by myself.  I crouched down and held on to the cart and loudly whispered to my oldest, “You’re going to have to call Daddy for me.” It would even hurt to have any clothes touch my stomach.

“What is happening?” I would ask that over and over.  “Nerves reattaching…normal recovery pain…your incision scar is sensitive.”

I knew whatever was happening…it wasn’t normal.  It wasn’t recovery. Something was not right.

Then came that Tuesday night. (This part is a tad gross…and TMI)

It was the week of Thanksgiving and my family was in town.  We decided to take all of the kiddos to the indoor trampoline park.  I was standing there with my sister-in-law when the pain became unbearable.  I could barely walk…I had shuffle my feet to get anywhere.  Then something was happening…my sweatpants were soaked. Soaked. From the waistband…all around my legs…down to the floor. Soaked.  I made my way into the restroom to try and figure out what was happening.  I stood in front of the mirror and lifted up my sweatshirt when I saw it…there was some kind of liquid gushing from me.  It looked like it was shooting straight out of my stomach but I couldn’t tell. There was so much and it was coming out so fast.

Next thing I know, I am in an ambulance on the way to the ER.

Abscess.

That’s what formed inside my body from the infection. And on that night…it basically exploded…and started leaking.

I was readmitted to the hospital…my incision was reopened…and the abscess was drained. (Most. Painful. Thing. Ever.)

I thought it was done. I thought I was healed. Nope.  Now I had to pack the wound. Basically, stick gauze inside the wound…so my body can heal from the inside out. Again, not a fun procedure. Once-a-day packing…that required me to take some pain meds before it was time to get started.  And my mother-in-law, who is a doctor, was the one packing my wound. Talk about a humbling experience.

The packing wasn’t going to work well enough.  “Let’s vac her.”

Let’s vac me??

At the wound clinic, I was told that I would need to wear a wound vac for about 8 weeks. Basically, a sponge is put inside the wound (near incision scar)…tubing is attached…that tubing sucks out all of the “bad stuff” inside of me and sends it into a canister that is tucked away in a black pseudo-purse.  I wear it like a cross-body purse on most days.  I haven’t found a sweater or jacket that can hide the four-feet of tubing I have folded up in the bag…so, I will just get used to all of the stares I get 😉 But I don’t care because this wound vac is a little bit of magic attached to me…it’s healing me!!

For now, I am loading up on protein because I’m told that will help rebuild my tissues and cells and help me recover more quickly.  I’m back at work because I missed it…and I need my “normal” back.

But I’m bitter. I’m angry. I’m sad.

I feel like Aria got cheated.  I wasn’t able to fully enjoy all of my moments with her because I was in so much pain. I spent most of my maternity leave in tears.

I feel like I broke Luciana’s heart.  She didn’t understand why I couldn’t pick her up for SO long.  She didn’t understand why I couldn’t get down on the floor and play with her.

Nico & Gia kept asking me, “Mom, are you ever going to be better? Why are you always crying?”

So this is my story. This is my now.

I never truly appreciated good health…until now.  I miss it. But I’ll be back…more attentive than ever.

Trust your body. Trust your instincts. If you don’t think it’s normal…than it’s probably not.

 

 

 

 

 

 

10 thoughts on “My story.

  1. You will have the love times with your kids! You are alive, and will catch up. God Bless all the Doctors & medical inventors who brought about the equipment to save your life! Even though it brings tears, Thanks You for sharing the real story! Merry Christmas!

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  2. I am so sorry for all that you have gone through. Your children will understand as they get older that you did the best you could and that you love them with every ounce of your being. I cried as I read this because no woman should ever have to endure this to bring their child into the world. I wish you the best of luck and speedy recovery. I hope every woman listens as you say to pay attention to your own body. I did, and I am awaiting procedures soon that some doctors told me weren’t needed, but I kept pushing for answers. I finally found 2 doctors that believed me when I told them something was wrong. Thank you for advocating for all of us, and being the strong woman you are.

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  3. I am so sorry that you had to go through this terrible, painful infection! But as the others said too, you will get time with your children now and from now on. Thank God you are alive.
    I’m sending love and Merry Christmas wishes to you and your precious family.
    Sincerely, DiAnn and Peter Rocksvold

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  4. I am so thankful your family were with you and could help with everything, especially your MIL who was truly a godsend😇 Please go slow though and LET people help! Your body has been through a war and needs lots of TLC from you to you! Way back when I was a nurse’s aide I had to help surgical patients…the worst was gall bladder which had to heal from the inside out, so twice a day I’d help a nurse clean the wound and check the tubing and repack it. After I’d stay and either hold their hand while they cried or give them a massage everywhere but their tummy. A head and hand rundown does help…and is something your kidlets could do. And Amanda dear remember THIS TOO SHALL PASS😘

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  5. Just remember how awesome you have done through it all!! I dont wish that on anyone!! I know all to well all your pain!! It IS very hard to be… anything during this process. Although mine wasnt from a c-section, it was from over a 4 hr “Exploratory surgery” when I was 6 months pregnant that eventually put me into labor and delivered my 1 lbs 11 oz miracle daughter with 19 staples in my stomach….ya.. naturally. 😐 Which after 2 months turned into huge abcess for me covering my whole stomach basically and another long surgery recutting me wide open, which then left me in the hospital on iv fluids only for almost 2 weeks, packing and ripping my insides out every day. Draining tube out my lower abdomen for whole time too. I begged for them to wet down that gauze every morning to not rip my stomach out EVERY time. Long story short go home to repeat process for few months…with having to have a homecare nurse come in to help since my husband couldnt always do it. But, they at least let me put few drops of sterile water on before pulling so didnt pull out the new skin starting everyday. It is a long process, painful and hard…so dont sell yourself short! Just do what you can and GET BETTER!! Your family will be glad when you are! 😁

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  6. Oh Amanda I have been there SEVERAL times with abdominal laparotomies…I’m so sorry you had to experience this devastating problem….I’m glad your on the better side and I wish you well…Merry Christmas to you and your family❤️

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  7. I will keep you in my prayers. Soon it will be nothing more than a bad memory. And you’re right-good health is something we too often take for granted.

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  8. Wow, so sorry you had to go through all of that. No one knows your body better than you. Glad you are on the road to recovery. Your children are lucky to have you as their mom.
    Hopefully you can now enjoy the holidays!

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  9. Praying for continued healing physically and emotionally. You are an amazing woman and I appreciate you sharing your story.

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  10. I can’t put into words how much this post hit home. This happened to me last year after the delivery of my son; dismissed concerns, diagnosed infection, re-opening of the incision, wound vac, packing/unpacking, silver nitrate – the whole nine yards. It is an indescribable pain, and the guilt and grief from missing those moments is so very real. I know I’m a stranger to you, but if you ever need to talk to someone who walked the walk you’re on, I’m happy to talk! I wish you a speedy recovery, and sincerely hope you are able to find peace with all that has happened to you and your family. Merry Christmas, Amanda! ❤

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